I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
false alarm, still single
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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