I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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