the condom got lost in my hair
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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