His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
