I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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