So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
