your thong is hanging out like whoa
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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