I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
