Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
