just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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