Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
