So drunk its hurt
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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