my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
