I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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