So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
