His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
