we have pet lesbian snakes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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