I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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