I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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