Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.