i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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