I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.