Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with

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(518): At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with http://tfl.nu/oe7q

Replies (13) Good night (915) Bad night (3707)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?

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(201): My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question? http://tfl.nu/fkcd

Replies (76) Good night (996) Bad night (11512)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.

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(443): Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one. http://tfl.nu/dq1o

Replies (131) Good night (7836) Bad night (2096)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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(781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2

Replies (96) Good night (16713) Bad night (1305)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.

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(404): Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/akrg

Replies (16) Good night (5755) Bad night (1069)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious

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(908): he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious http://tfl.nu/30k1

Replies (11) Good night (3254) Bad night (862)
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(443): View more from Maryland

its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

(303): View more from Colorado

you still have morals?

(443): View more from Maryland

Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

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(443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs

Replies (46) Good night (9649) Bad night (1413)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt

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(412): Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt http://tfl.nu/ilc7

Replies (27) Good night (2715) Bad night (1494)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.

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(484): the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished. http://tfl.nu/p2b9

Replies (7) Good night (5363) Bad night (935)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.

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(847): Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it. http://tfl.nu/tedk

Replies (4) Good night (1218) Bad night (1242)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.

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(703): I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you. http://tfl.nu/0abv

Replies (5) Good night (1869) Bad night (568)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.

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(270): I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk. http://tfl.nu/wgbm

Replies (9) Good night (1676) Bad night (543)
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(813): View more from Florida

Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl

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(813): Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl http://tfl.nu/zwmh

Replies (15) Good night (643) Bad night (835)
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(813): View more from Florida

I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.

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(813): I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert. http://tfl.nu/diqw

Replies (3) Good night (895) Bad night (580)
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(408): View more from California

Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.

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(408): Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher. http://tfl.nu/o3bs

Replies (3) Good night (535) Bad night (359)

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