I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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