Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
