my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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