She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize