I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
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we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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