Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
