ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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