i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
