I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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