How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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