you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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