why do cheetos always look like penises
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
