I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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