Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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