If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
