Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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