Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
