if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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