so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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