is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
