Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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