I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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