My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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