It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
