WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
