i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
