You can't motorboat a personality
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
