someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
