i just wanna soil my oats bro
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
