she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
