Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
