Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
