I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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