If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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