in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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