I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
