I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if only i could text you this smell
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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