I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
